Money is a hang-up for me. I’m given to obsessing over it, fearing it, wanting it and downright loving it! Fathering a dozen or so kids should get that out of my system and it does. Every once in a while though, the root of all evil rears its ugly head. Ask a man who’s more satisfied: The one with six kids or the man with six million dollars. He’ll answer, “The man with six kids”, Why? Because that guy doesn’t want for anymore!
Money gets a lot of people stuck from doing, and from living; I think this is particularly true for husbands/dads. We find ourselves working harder and longer hours in the name of bettering our households. The American Dream we once chased soon becomes a nightmare from which we run.
…and not to get off on tangent but what is it about “dreams”? “My dream job” or “She’s dreamy” or “Follow your dreams“. I mean most of the time when I wake up I say to myself, “What was that about?” or, more often, “What is wrong with you?”. The things my mind creates are scary and I have no desire to work them, meet them or be them!
Anyway, one of the best things that ever happened to me involved giving up “my dreams” Namely, the ones that revolved around money – bigger, better, best. What opened my eyes? Amy, my wife. Like many, I picked-up the overtime, worked the second job and pursued the promotions because I assumed (I know, I know, don’t say it!) Amy’s dream aligned with mine. All of these activities did cost something – my time away from her – but, this seemed a small price to pay. You’ve got to invest to reap reward, right? I thought Amy saw me as provider over a confider.
I was dead wrong! The attention needed for my marriage and family became occupied by things related to making money. I spent way more time and effort at work, even when I was physically home. A distance started to grow between us, other things started to creep in and suddenly, Amy and I were just (a)partners not whole, not one. I made more money than ever and yet, I’d never felt worse.
Valentine’s Day, during this time, I found myself looking for some trinket for Amy; I had no clue what to get her. Pajamas, candy, roses — been there! I wandered into a bookstore thinking maybe a hobby book or just a good novel might fit the bill. That’s when I found myself in the Relationship section (after Self-Help, there wasn’t a bigger selection of books.) That’s when I spotted these:
These books on what women think men think and vice versa reveal findings from rigorous research done by the authors. I, of course, read For Women Only first and thought to myself, “Uh Huh, there’s a lot of good stuff in here for Amy”. My pre-buy perusal of For Men Only might have had a thing or two for me as well. I got a gift bag, dropped both in and added a card. The card invited Amy on a reading date at a local cafe. My plan – let’s read a chapter in our respective books then compare notes.
The gift was a hit with Amy and, in hindsight, more valuable than her engagement ring. The dividends stated paying off following date one and grew from there. We would get hysterical sitting in the middle of that cafe. For example, if a survey of men revealed 97% of men feel this way about sex, Amy would guess me to be in the 3% minority. Likewise, if 91% of women desired this specific trait in their husbands, I’d always guess Amy to be somewhere in the other 9%. Turns out we were wrong about each other more than we were right! We learned deep things about each other through the 10 dates that followed and our marriage rose to a whole new level.
It also turns out that investing time, presence and love pays off big. This knowledge led to action – I quit climbing the corporate ladder and returned to bedside nursing. A 30% cut in pay gave me 50% more time at home. More time with each other led to more intimacy, deeper love and stronger commitment — it also led to more children!
The more children part is where the money-thing came into perspective. The big Aha? — money is not that important! God led us to adopt (to date) five children since our renewal. The price tag would have stopped the old me, the wealthier me, in my tracks. But God’s economy works differently — He places the desire first and the funds later (at least for us). This method allows many to participate, instead of just Amy and I. He uses $10 to $20 donations to combine into thousands. The Result: New children with forever parents that claim the name Boroughs!
And guess what?
It’s happening again!
I announced last week that we’re adopting a little girl. I asked for help and now, seven days later, over half of the funds are donated!!!
Isn’t that amazing? Maybe even miraculous?
Our application and prior home study arrived at the placing adoption agency today. Adoption physicals are scheduled and start next week (x 14). A new home study by our agency is underway. Security clearances will follow and we hope our new daughter is home by late spring! All of this made possible because we didn’t have the money but…
You did and…
…so did you and…
…you did too!
Thank you seems feeble and not enough. Hopefully the insight into our family from this blog expresses our gratitude.
Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!!
Thank you for making Dad Just Happened happen! Amazon is running a giveaway to allow me to say thanks to my readers. I’ve chosen For Women Only & For Men Only books as my prize! Simply click the link below and follow the instructions to enter. Contest Rules are available at the site. Winner will via random draw and will be announced next week Good Luck!!!
The Make Dad Just Happened Happen Again Adoption fund is over 50% funded but it’s not to late for you. Please consider contributing to our fund to bring our daughter home. Click the Pic below to go to our YouCaring site!